the term “reverse racist” came up in class and i almost headdesked but this guy in the middle of the room said racism doesn’t have a direction so it’s a racist term itself and suddenly everything’s better
i was pulling up to a gas station and mumford came on the radio so i started blasting it in my car and all the people can hear with my doors closed is just the base and theyre looking at me like “wtf inappropriate rap song is that girl listening to” and i open my car door and out comes the sound of a really aggressive banjo solo
LOOK AT THESE COLOSSAL FUCKIN LEMONS FROM THE TREE MY BROTHER HAS PEED ON EVERY DAY SINCE HE WAS LIKE 5 YEARS OLD
im laughing/crying i dont want any more messages about this listen up you fucks apparently pee makes citrus plants grow well he learned this from a movie called the world’s fastest indian it is a very good movie starring sir anthony hopkins a highly inspirational film you will be compelled to purchase a lemon tree sapling and see a man about a dog on it every day for the rest of your life and you will be blessed with lemons the size of footballs. yes we ate the pee lemons.
my favorite part of conventions
He probably has better eyebrows is why.
doing eyeliner is literally like trying to draw a straight line using Paint
Hold down the shift key
oh yes your right let me just hold down the fucking shift key on my eyeball
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I can’t wait for Hillary to pull a BEYONCÉ. No promo, no campaign, no nothing. We will all just be sitting on twitter with our thumbs up our asses when our timeline suddenly starts to fill with the news that Hillary Rodham Clinton is now President Hillary Rodham Clinton. Slayed the game, and we weren’t even ready for it.
That’s called a coup. That’s a fascist dictatorship. That is the exact opposite of what anyone wants.
My uni students asked me if they had homework for the holidays and I felt so bad for them and their tired, dead eyes that I told them to just mail me pics of their favorite pokemons.
Three students sent me digimons I can’t fucking trust them with anything I give up